


salvage

by halcyoneous



Category: Original Work
Genre: Fictogemino, Multi, Nameless Characters, double ending, minor angst but angsty for my fluffy standards, questionable, read it as anyone you like, will not say which one is the true ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 19:46:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8727838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halcyoneous/pseuds/halcyoneous
Summary: two parts of me tried to save me, and you, from myself. / for #30DaysofLiterature day 2 ; brain v.s. heart + "have you ever been kissed before?"





	

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorta late but it's still the 2nd. this one is supposed to be read from both sides, from the first to last and from the last to first.

My heart knows what it wants—it wants us to be together.

Since you are excellent on a lot of things, including giving me solace with your own distinguished style.

With your unspoken pure care and your refined system.

I have faith that you will hold me back more than what I can by myself with paying close attention to me.

And this was why,

You presented yourself.

It was no wonder that I had been at peace that day; I was never the one to let my thoughts distract me for too long, not in a situation of two, not when we were together.

And while we were still at it, I supposed later I would have stayed close and I would remind you. _You’ll always be a pride of mine,_ without having to delude myself as I stared straight at you with starry eyes and you, if someone else saw us without seeing us together, were still as intact as what the world made you seem like. _And you don’t have to be prim and proper when it’s with me. I can still accept._

You had learned that the fluids from your body were unhygienic. That you should not let them taint anything, because especially I would not stand the guilt of letting me taint you or otherwise without having a little part of my fragile mind splintered—you felt. And since maybe you thought about me beyond my faults and flaws, and the clench of my fist, and the weak will of mine, and the empirical knowledge of yours, you never wanted me to be left behind, even when you have to let an exchange of our saliva to happen.

Later when we would have pulled out and you have rearranged your mind, you would have asked, _have I ever done something like this to someone else,_ without having to feel weird as I find your soft lips parting and my tongue was caving into it at the moment of our first and my whole mind wanted for it to last like forever.

I was able to see that you were—or weren’t?—savoring the bitter taste that was my mouth.

The truth was, you hadn’t accepted about us, although with that kiss I couldn’t have thought you won’t. And you felt me in a very literal way, and you would, at this time, reciprocate.

“Doesn’t mean I mind… I would like to, you know… but… let’s do,” was the cue for me to come back to you, even nearer than what I was before, now that our distance were none and your coherence were gone and our lips were no longer alone.

The truth was, I hadn’t said about us, although with that question you couldn’t have thought I won’t. And I felt desire towards you in a very obvious way, and I would, always, endure.

You were able to see that I was—or wasn’t?—just testing the exquisite pleasure that was you.

But you pulled out from me and you shrugged. “You know, it’s embarrassing to talk about this,” went without saying as your cheeks were radiant red when it was not too hot or cold and my eyes were scrambling, searching for yours to be looked at. “I don’t think it is proper… or right… between us…”

I had learned that my scary, selfish thoughts did not except you. That I should have never reveal them to you, because even you would not stand one of them without having a little piece of your strong heart broken—I thought. And since I cared about you beyond your flesh and bones, and the blade of your shoulders, and the solid back of yours and the ideal imagery of mine, I never wanted you to be hurt, even if I have to sacrifice the prospect of any future for me or for us.

I took my place only a few feet from you and I asked. “Have you ever been kissed, though?” passes without filtering as I find your solemn not-smile beaming when the room is perfectly lit and my whole soul wants to  take one of those in.

It was no wonder that you had been silent that day; you were never loud to me or everyone else to begin with, not in a setting of two, not when we were nothing.

I excused myself.

Despite of it,

I have fears that I will ruin you further than what had done by others or yourself with getting close to you.

With my obvious trigger temper and my furious attacks.

Since I am capable of almost nothing, except destroying everything with my cursed hands.

My brain knows what it needs—it needs me to live safe.

**Author's Note:**

> now read from the last paragraph up to the first.


End file.
